


Forever

by MarilynRoselle



Category: American Horror Story, American Horror Story: Asylum
Genre: Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Nightmares, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-02-04 11:58:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18604075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarilynRoselle/pseuds/MarilynRoselle
Summary: reader struggling with nightmares and decided to do what must be done.TRIGGER WARNING.CONTAIN NON-DESCRIPTIVE SELF-HARM.READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!





	Forever

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first time writing something so close to my heart. im not trying to glorify and justify self-harm but recovering isn't linear. I hope that somewhat this might bring you comfort.

staring at your own reflection in the mirror, you open up the cabinet to your right and grab a razor. it's one of the night terror moments you have again after getting out of Briarcliff with Lana. 

but you never told her anything about it. you understand that her book and writings are everything to her. you don't want to burden her with your petty feelings. sobbing quietly, you brush off your tears and pull up your left sleeve.

'she's not gonna be back for another week, so why not?' you thought. you're desperately wanted to feel it. the pain. you wanted to get rid of the flashes of nightmares you had. 

seeing the blood trickling down your arm makes you chuckle in tears. your sobbing stopped as you smile at the image you see in the mirror. after cleaning up your mess, you decided to take a long shower with your clothes still wrapped around your figure. the cut stings as the soap water touches your skin.

the nightmare is always the same. you making out of Briarcliff without Lana. watching her being hold down by sister Mary Eunice and Dr Thredson as you hopped in a cab with the tape. the thought of living without her in your life makes you crazy.

and so does the reason why you were committed into that hell hole. your boyfriend put you in there after he wrongly accused you of killing his secret lover. he said you were crazy mad. you knew it was him. that bastard!! and that's how you ended up in Briarcliff.

the first moment your eyes landed on Lana, you knew she doesn't belong in there. day by day, both of you became closer. and gradually moving to being lovers in secret. at first you thought that you're just some kind of rebound after Wendy betrayed her. but when she told you "I love you" for the first time during your kitchen duty, you knew that it was for real.

stepping out of the shower, you peel off your clothes and wrapped a towel around your naked body. not liking to fix the wound, you let it be and walk straight to the wardrobe. grabbing one of Lana's long-sleeved pyjamas, you put it on your body carefully, avoiding the fabric from touching your wound.

as you turn around, you saw her. leaning against the door frame. being highly alert, you hide both your hands behind your back. 

"hey, you. I thought you're not supposed to be home til next week" you stutters.

"yeah, I am. but I miss you so I wanted to make a surprise." she smiles weakly, walking towards you.

"give me your hand" her hand reaching out for yours. you backed away slightly from her, eyes glued on the carpet under your feet.

"honey, please." 

"it's nothing, Lana. it's just a scratch. I was out buying groceries and I tripped on my way home, that's all." you lied.

"Oh for god's sake don't lie to me, honey! is it the nightmare again? you know that you can't hide this from me forever baby" she rises her voice, making you flinch.

'fuck, she knew???' your thoughts running wildly.

'she hates me. she's gonna leave me. she doesn't love me anymore'

tears spilling from your eyes as your mind didn't stop assaulting you with negative thoughts. Lana immediately hug your shaking body, pulling you close to her caressing your wet hair gently.

"you're gonna leave me now, aren't you?" you sob into her chest unceasingly, hands clutching at her blue dress tightly.

She held you in silence, rocking you slowly as your tears soaked her chest. A tiny lapse let you pull away, blinking lashes heavy with tears, before you started crying in her arms again.

"hey, hey, hey, baby. I would never leave you, honey. never. what do you think I'm doing here? I miss you, I love you. and im so, so sorry" she said as she rested her chin on the top of your head.

"I'm supposed to be sorry, not you. I'm such a burden, a mess. You did nothing wrong. Why would you be sorry?" you murmur into her chest loud enough for Lana to hear you.

"I'm sorry that I wasn't always here for you. I should've talk to you about this sooner when I first knew about it. why didn't I? I'm so stupid. my heart hurt so much because I couldn't help you, baby. I love you so much" tears falling from her face.

pulling away from the embrace, your wounded hand brushes away her tears. "you being here already helps, Lana. God, I love you too, so so much."

She cupped your face with both her hands, wiping your wet face with her thumbs and pull you in for a kiss. Not hot, fiery, sexual kind of kiss but passionate. Demanding. Almost desperate.

"I will never leave you, honey. I love you, y/n. Forever." Lana whispers. her lips brushing against yours.

"Forever." 

She pull away completely for you, hands on your shoulder. "let me see it. you can't just leave it like that. it might get infected, baby. and please, no more secrets. you tell me everything, anything baby."

you let her guide you to the bed, not letting go of each other's hand.

'everything's gonna be okay.'


End file.
